Got a question? Looking for answers ?
As both a Pastor and a Dad, I've had many questions asked of me, counselled many broken hearts, spent time in many emergency rooms in times of crisis and held people close in their times of brokenness . Life is often difficult and full of questions and real answers are often hard to find. What are you going through? Are you searching? Feeling hurt or lost? Just wanting to know?
We care and we are here for you. YOU MATTER, and how you feel matters.
Pastor Glenn
We all have questions about love, life, faith, and many others
There's no such thing as a "stupid question". In fact, if you are thinking it, there's a good chance that someone else has the same question.
We use no real names in this feature, so feel free to use a fake name and ask away ! Use the question box below to submit.
A caring Patch Ministries Coordinator will answer you.
(read submitted questions and answers below)
As both a Pastor and a Dad, I've had many questions asked of me, counselled many broken hearts, spent time in many emergency rooms in times of crisis and held people close in their times of brokenness . Life is often difficult and full of questions and real answers are often hard to find. What are you going through? Are you searching? Feeling hurt or lost? Just wanting to know?
We care and we are here for you. YOU MATTER, and how you feel matters.
Pastor Glenn
We all have questions about love, life, faith, and many others
There's no such thing as a "stupid question". In fact, if you are thinking it, there's a good chance that someone else has the same question.
We use no real names in this feature, so feel free to use a fake name and ask away ! Use the question box below to submit.
A caring Patch Ministries Coordinator will answer you.
(read submitted questions and answers below)
Questions received and answered
Question:
Hi, I’m Amanda,
I've been struggling with becoming a full-on Christian. I know that God is real. I know that Jesus came down to earth, and then died for our sins, but every time I try to get more involved with God, something distracts me (text message, phone call, music that isn't Christian, etc.) I've been getting involved with the wrong people or the wrong crowd, too. I've been cussing and saying things like "Oh my god!" And I know that that is wrong, but it just comes out. Can you tell me what to do? I am so confused and tired of Satan controlling me when I know that God is the one who should be in control.
Thank you for any help you can get me.
Answer:
Dear Amanda:
Thank you so much for sharing with us. First of all, I want to say that what you are experiencing, unfortunately, is what I would call the normal Christian life. Satan is relentless in his pursuit of true believers, and the battle you are facing is one you will face all of the days of your life. However, before that discourages you, let me say, there is help!
You have already faced the greatest hurdle because you recognize the problem. The truth is, we cannot live the Christian life by ourselves. Without God's help, we would utterly fail. But the battle you face is actually the Lord's battle; with Him, you can be victorious. Here are some things that I have found helpful through the years, and hopefully, you will find helpful as well.
Read the Word of God every single day! There is no such thing as the excuse, "I don't have time!" The truth is, we do not have time to read God's Word. We are in a battle, and we cannot face that battle without our sword: our Bible!
Second, pray every single day. Find at least one time when you can spend 15 minutes with the Lord--all by yourself. If time allows, you will find that time so precious that you will even increase it to 30 minutes or more! In your prayer time, be sure to take some time to just glory in the Lord--think of the amazing God you serve! Take some time, too, to tell the Lord about your frustrations, and ask forgiveness for your sins. Then, ask Him to help you have victory over those same battles! That is key--we cannot do it ourselves, but with Christ we are invincible!
This is not a magic talisman--it is just a reality of life. We, as believers, need to walk in this world equipped to face Satan and his emissaries, for they are certainly active in thwarting us. We live in a world surrounded by a spiritual host we cannot see. The good news is that Satan's angels are not the only ones there; the angels of God are camped all around us, so use them!
We in the 21st century, are generally an apathetic group. It is time that God's people rise up from their sleep and live this Christian life to the honor and glory of God.
Thank you again for writing. Be assured that I am praying for you!
God Bless You
Question:
I’m Chelsey,
Well, I been on and off about this issue. I'm trying to figure out if I should lose my virginity now or wait. Like I know God wants us to wait until we are married but I don't wanna really get married!!! I don't get the point of it! you shouldn't need a piece of paper basically telling you that your gotta be with this person forever I don't like that at all. Plus, you need a ring just to prove? That makes no sense!!! but I don't get why married couples say like "I'm so glad we waited until our wedding night" and that you should wait.... what makes it so much better if you just wait for just one night to lose it?
Answer:
Dear Chelsey,
I have been pondering my reply to you ever since I first read your e-mail. You brought up some very good questions, which deserve some well-thought-out answers. I do not want to be trite or simplistic in my answer. First, I would like to address questions we have about the commands of God in general, and then I would like to deal with the subject of your questions.
In general, there are two questions that I would like to answer.
1. How does the world view the commandments of God?
2. How should Christians view the commandments of God?
The world, in our day, has lost the concept of a standard of right and wrong—especially a standard that is given to us by God. We live in an “I’m OK; you’re OK” world. What seems right to me is right for me, and what seems right to you is right for you. In other words, we are each the master of our own destiny, and as such can make our own determinations of what is right or wrong. Consequently, morals worldwide have disintegrated drastically. We may think this is just part of the new revelation to man who has finally evolved to this heightened state of being. However, as Solomon said in Ecclesiastes, “There is nothing new under the sun.” Already in the book of Genesis we see man submitting to his lusts, especially in the area of sexual sins, or sexual impurity. So, it is no surprise that the world largely ignores the Laws of God as prudish. Even if there is a God, which most question, He has no right to interfere with our happiness.
Unfortunately, this attitude has spread to the Church at large. However, no matter how you or I, or anyone else may feel about it, God has given us very specific commandments, especially in the area of morality. This law is summarized in the Ten Commandments in Exodus 20, and laid out more specifically in the book of Deuteronomy. As Christians we understand that the sexual relationship is a gift given by God to married couples.
In considering this, let’s think a moment about Eve, in the Garden of Eden. How did Satan approach Eve? He asked Eve a question, “Has God indeed said, ‘You shall not eat of every tree of the garden?”
Eve answered by embellishing God’s commandment. “We may eat the fruit of the trees of the garden; but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God has said, ‘You shall not eat it, nor shall you touch it, lest you die.’”
Then the serpent said, “You will not surely die. For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”
What just happened in that conversation? First, the serpent contradicted God, and then rationalized God’s reasoning by saying, God knows that you will become one of us, because you will know good and evil. Was the serpent, right? No!
Satan, who comes to us in the same way, began with a lie, and then rationalized the commandment of God. What happened to Eve? Did she die? Yes! Did she actually become like God? No! For the remainder of her days on this earth, she must have regretted the choice she made. She and Adam, who once knew the joy and peace of communion with God, were thrust out of the Garden. Life was never the same again.
Why has God given the commandments He has, regarding sexuality? God has ordained the family unit, with the father as the head, the mother at his side in submission to him, and the children in subjection to them both. As such, they are a picture of Christ and His bride, the Church.
Our Creator God knows us better than we could ever know ourselves. Because of our sin nature, we chaff at His commandments. Because we love, God, however, and desire to please Him, we seek to live in obedience to those commandments.
Just as Adam and Eve enjoyed a time of peace and communion with God, we, as God’s children, have the same opportunity to fellowship with Him, though not in perfection like Adam and Eve. When we live in obedience to God, we enjoy times of wonderful peace and joy, such as the world does not know, nor can offer. That peace and joy, however, is destroyed when we disobey God. Until we come back to God in repentance, seeking His forgiveness, that sweet fellowship and communion is gone.
The real issue here, then, is not whether you will lose your virginity. The real issue is whether you will obey the Lord. The Bible is not silent on the subject; God’s Laws are clearly given.
I caution you to think very carefully about what it means to be a Christian. As long as we believe in God, are we a Christian? No! The Bible tells us that the devils believe also, and tremble.
What, then, makes one a true believer? A true believer is one who first recognizes his or her true state before a holy and righteous God: a sinner, separated forever from God, because God cannot even look upon sin. Secondly, they understand that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, as well as being the God-man, because He never sinned, is the only One who can pay the debt of our sin. The true believer comes before Christ in repentance, accepting the Lord Jesus as their personal Savior. When that happens, not only is the person saved, but the Holy Spirit enters the heart of the new believer, changing them forever. Now, instead of living life for their own pleasure, they, because of their love for Christ, seek to live their life in obedience to Him.
There are some who teach that a person can be a Christian even if they do not choose to obey God. They call such a person a carnal Christian, however the Bible does not teach such a thing. When one accepts Christ, he accepts Him as both his Lord and His Savior. The consequent joy and peace are unknown by the world.
I know this was a rather long answer, but I hope it helps you to understand what the Bible teaches on this subject. I pray that you will choose to be obedient to Christ. The joy that awaits us in heaven, not to speak of the joy and peace we have while still on this earth far outweigh any preconceived benefit, we think we might receive by living as those of this world.
God Bless You,
Question:
Hi, I am a newly active Christian, and I have a boyfriend I decided to break up with him because I know that it is not good because I am too young to have a relationship with him... and I think God wants me to prioritize first my study and my family, my problem is my ex-boyfriend want to wait for me. and still be with him after my college. is it okey to give him my promise even if I don’t know if he is the one that God wants to be with me...????????
Answer:
You show a great deal of maturity in your comments and are exactly right in your priorities. Unfortunately, we begin dating at such a young age in our culture, before we really are ready to seriously think of who we will marry, that we fall into many difficult situations. In trying to determine a resolution regarding your ex-boyfriend, I would challenge you to consider the implications of such an extended promise. We do not really know the future and should be very careful about making promises that we might later regret. Spend a lot of time praying about your relationship. Remaining friends is a good idea, but I would hesitate to seal that relationship with a promise that binds you. Above all, pray for strength and wisdom from God; your relationship with Him is the most important; you cannot love God too much! He will show you His will as He opens and closes doors. Consider these words from Psalm 100, verses 2 through 4,
Serve the LORD with gladness: come before his presence with singing. Know ye that the LORD he is God: it is he that hath made us, and not we ourselves; we are his people and the sheep of his pasture. Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name.
Thanks for writing,
God Bless You
Question:
Hello, I am 17 and about to turn 1 actually. As a senior in high school things are already tough being a Jesus Follower. I live in a very small town where everyone knows everyone and everything about them. I am very Pro-life as should all Jesus followers should be, kids at school really hate that. I am picked on all the time not only for my beliefs but also because they say I am different. How could I take a stand against the bullying or should I take a stand? The Bible after all does say that if your enemy asks you for your coat, you should give them your shirt. If they hit you on one side of the face to turn and offer them the other. I am not sure what to do in this situation.
Answer:
You are facing one of the most difficult situations we are called to face as Christians, which is made even more difficult by your age. As a teen, it is extremely difficult to face the ridicule of one's peers. Rather than express my own thoughts, let's look at the words of Jesus, from the passage from which you quoted from Matthew 5:
38. Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.
39 But I say unto you, that you resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.
40 And if any man will sue you at the law, and take away your coat, let him have your cloak also . . ..
43 Ye have heard that it hath been said, you should love thy neighbor, and hate your enemy.
44 But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you
45. That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven. (King James Version)
Is this easy to do? Absolutely not! Go to Christ and plead with Him for help to face the ridicule of your peers, remembering that it is not you they hate, but rather, it is the Lord Jesus Christ they hate. Also, keep praying that God would save your peers.
I have noticed that it is often those who are closest to coming to Christ who will despise us the most. I know that may be hard to believe, but it is something I have seen on more than one occasion.
Last of all, take some time to praise God that you have been allowed to suffer for Him. I believe that what you are experiencing is going to be on the increase for all Christians, as we come closer and closer to the end of time.
David, I am going to be praying for you, and I am asking that others who read these words pray for you as well. You have a valiant testimony before the Lord, and it is obvious that He is equipping you now to faithfully serve Him all the days of your life.
May God bless you and give you peace and joy even in the middle of this difficult time.
God Bless You,
Question:
Hi, I’m Mary ...I've just been confused about this one thing in particular. Me and this boy like each other a lot...we're both real Christians who try to live our lives after Him. We both agree on the important things in life. And everything seems like it could be perfect...although, it seems as if God is saying "not yet, not right now"...neither of us is sure though, it could be a flat-out no or yes...but it seems like wait. So, my question is, why would God let us both like each other, yet possibly say no? That doesn't make any sense to me. I guess I'm trying to justify why His answer is just wait. Wouldn't it seem kind of pointless for it to be, no? In my eyes, it's like dangling a treat in front of a dog, but then not giving it to him.
Answer:
Dear Mary,
You are delving into one of the greatest difficulties in the Christian life. No one likes to be told to wait. I, of all people, am probably one of the most impetuous persons alive, and have had to deal with this all of my life.
The fact that God lets you like each other is a great blessing. As both of you are Christians, I would suggest you spend some time together studying God's Word. Read about couples, and what God says regarding marriage.
The Bible does not hold a very popular stance in our day of "If you love him, it's OK." Perhaps God is preparing the two of you for some great things, and this is just the first step--the first test of your faithfulness to God even above your love and faithfulness to each other.
I do know that God's Word is true and changeless, and is the only path that leads to a life of peace and joy, so I encourage you to tread carefully, and cry out to the Lord for grace to be faithful to Him, above all.
Here is a Bible passage that I often cling to in times of great difficulty and temptation,
33 O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out!
34 For who hath known the mind of the Lord? or who hath been his counsellor?
35 Or who hath first given to him, and it shall be recompensed unto him again?
36 For of him, and through him, and to him, are all things: to whom be glory forever. Amen. Romans 11:33-36, King James Version
Question:
Hi, I’m Kelsey,
I'm having trouble caring about anything anymore...I almost like getting in trouble...I’m only 13...in foster care (:it sucks:)I feel like no one cares 'bout me...I DONT knew wat 2 do!
Answer:
I was really saddened to get your comments. I must admit that I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through, and therefore do not want to give you simple platitudes.
What I do know is that whether no one else in the whole world cares about you, Jesus does. It certainly does not seem like it though, does it? I am sure you think a loving God would not put you through a life like you have. God, however, is preparing you for the future. In what way, you may ask? I do not know, but I know it is true.
You did not say whether you are a Christian or not. I would encourage you to go to Christ. The Bible tells us in Isaiah 55:
6 Seek ye the LORD while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near:
7 Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the LORD, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
This plea, is not just for you, and certainly was not just for Isaiah. This plea is for all of us, and the resulting promise is, too. Only in Christ will you care to forsake the things of the world and turn from evil. When you do, by His grace, He will abundantly pardon you, and change your life forever!
Ask your foster parents to allow you to go to church; find a nearby church that teaches the truths of the Bible. There, God will not only teach you His Word, but give you some lasting, true, friends.
I would encourage you, and all teens, to realize that these years, though they seem long, will soon be over. Then, as an adult, the rest is up to you!
I have been, and will continue, to pray for you, that God will touch your life and your very soul in such a way that you will turn to Him.
Question:
Hi. This may sound dumb, but I have been raised in church most of my life. Only recently have I really begun to dig in. I am really confused about relationships. I met this guy (he is 19 and he is 2 years older than me). When he turned 18, he met this girl and they dated, got married (less than 2 months), and divorced. The whole thing lasted less than 6 months. I am really confused about what to do. I really like him and I'm having a hard time praying about it and listening for God's answer.
Any advice?
Answer:
I don't know about you, but red flags fall all over the place when I read this submission. No question is dumb, and I am really glad this person sent this in, because it is so relevant to every teen today.
In college, I had a professor who challenged us by saying, "Do not date anyone you would not want to marry. Every date is a potential spouse." We thought he was crazy--what about just dating for fun? Through the years I have learned the soundness of his advice. How quickly we can become entangled in a relationship that we cannot seem to get out of.
I am so happy this person is praying about the situation and seeking God's advice. My advice would be to go very slowly with this. This guy may be a wonderful Christian, but having married and divorced in less than a year leaves me with questions. We are filled with a world that has gone crazy over love. Now, I am not knocking love; I love my husband dearly, but the key word here is commitment. Are you going to marry until the love seems to have disappeared? Or, are you committed enough to stick it out.
Every marriage will go through troubling times, but in the end, that is what causes your love to blossom and grow.
5 Walk in wisdom toward those who are outside, redeeming the time.
6 Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one. (Colossians 4:5-6, New King James Version)
Question:
Hello Linda! I am a Christian teen who has been on a plan to grow in my faith this year. I love your articles and they really give me some questions to get me thinking. As I enter High School, I find peer pressure becoming more of a problem, especially when it is from someone you really care about. I was wondering if you could give me some advice on how to avoid these pressures and stay true to myself without losing the ones you love.
Answer:
In a way, you almost answered your own question. The most important thing you said was, "Stay true to myself," and may I expand that to, "Stay true to Christ." The peer pressures you face in high school will be the same ones you face all of your life. Remember, that if you stay true to Christ, you will have enemies, and unfortunately, they may be the very people who had been your best friends. Christ said, "It is not you that they hate; it is me." (Roughly paraphrased). As a Christian, you have one purpose to fulfill in this life, and that is to walk faithfully with God. He will lead you in the way you should go, and He will replace lost friends with those who share your faith.
God Bless You,
If I doubt my salvation, does that mean I'm not saved?
Let me start by sharing my all-time favorite verse, which is crucial in answering this question. Romans 8:38-39 says, For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
None of us will ever reach God's standard (Romans 3:23), but He has promised us that anyone who believes in Jesus Christ will be saved (John 3:16). The Creator of the universe died in our place, took the punishment we deserved, then came back to life. Once you have placed your faith in Christ by confessing that you are full of and in need of Him as your Savior, there is nothing that can separate you from him. Nothing. The apostle Paul went to great lengths to close any "loopholes" that people may think up when it comes to our salvation.
Look at your doubts. Where do they stem from? Do you doubt that God really would care for you enough to save you? To die for you? Bury those doubts because the answer is undeniable, "YES, He does." No matter how good or bad you feel you are, the answer is the same: "YES, He does." Just read Romans 5:8, But God demonstrated His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
On the flipside, if your doubts are not in God's ability, but your personal belief, take a moment to evaluate yourself. Examine if you have truly believed God's promise. Second Corinthians 13:5 tells us that we are to "examine ourselves" to be sure that Christ is our Savior and that the Holy Spirit is in us. Your faith will be evident through works (James 2:14-26) and the fruit of the Holy Spirit.
It all comes down to this question: Do you believe and trust Jesus Christ?
Push everything else aside and honestly answer that question to yourself. If the answer is yes, then rejoice, there is nothing that can take you from Him! Your salvation is sealed with an impenetrable seal. Even when you fall down spiritually and are feeling low, your salvation is in God’s hands. Being saved does not depend on your mood or anything else you do (Ephesians 2:8).
If, when you ask yourself that question, you honestly have to answer no, then there is nothing preventing you from stopping everything you are doing right now and believing in the Lord Jesus Christ. In that moment, you will be saved!
That if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe with your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation.
Romans 10:9-10
Isn’t A Healthy Self-Image the Same as Pride?
It can be. Keep in mind, however, there are two types of self-images. When you see yourself as God sees you, you have a healthy self-image. A healthy self-image is very positive. Yet it is very humble because it recognizes its source—the Lord Jesus Christ.
The second type of self-image is an unhealthy self-image. People who have an unhealthy self-image can be divided into two groups: negative and positive. Those with a negative self-image think poorly about themselves. Those with a positive self-image think good of themselves. But their self-worth is based on the world’s system: looks, abilities, intelligence, and the like. When people think well about themselves based on the world’s system, they may very well struggle with pride.
Why Does God Love Me So Much?
Great question! We often wonder about that after we’ve really blown it. Like coming home after a rotten day at school, slamming the door, screaming at your parents, smashing your little brother’s face into his ice cream bowl and then yelling after stumping your big toe. Then you remember that Jesus has been with you the whole time and you wonder, Lord, why do You love me so much?
He loves you because He created you. Have you ever watched a mother and father ooh and ahh over their newborn baby? Newborn babies can be just about the ugliest creatures on earth. But not to the parents. They think their baby is the greatest. Why? Because they created the little critter. God loves you because He created you. He thinks you are the greatest.
But more than that, He loves you not because you are lovable, but because He is a God of love. It is His character to love. And there is nothing you can do to make Him stop loving you.
Why Am I Always Comparing Myself to Everybody Else?
You compare yourself because you want to know how well you measure up. If you are doing well, you can feel good about yourself. If you aren't as pretty, smart, rich, or gifted as the other person, then you can't feel good about yourself.
The trouble with comparison comes from comparing yourself to the wrong measure—other people. Because every person is different, you will always find someone you think is better or worse than you are. This will leave you filled with frustration or pride.
God doesn't want you to compare yourself based on an outward measure, but on an inward measure. Instead of asking, "Am I as good as so-and-so?" ask, "Do I have the character of Christ that God wants me to have?" That will keep your focus where it needs to be.
My Parents Never Believe Me. Any Suggestions?
To get your parents to believe you, you must first ask why they don’t trust you. Generally, it is because they have discovered that you have lied about something in the past. Lying has terrible consequences. If someone has lied to you, how do you know when they’re lying or telling the truth?
To get your parents to believe you, ask them to forgive you for any and every time you have lied to them in the past. And don’t stop with just asking forgiveness for the lies you’ve said with your mouth. Also, ask forgiveness for the lies you’ve said with your actions—like having a bunch of friends over at the house when it was forbidden.
Second, learn to admit when you blow it. Nobody believes you always live a perfect life. So, when they hear you volunteer the fact that you blew it, but now you are sorry for what you did, they will believe you much more quickly than if you never admit your shortcomings and failures.
Is It Right That I’m Forced to Go to Church Each Week?
Look at it this way. If you do go to church, it’s not going to hurt you. It might even help you. But if you don’t go to church, your parents will probably kill you. Considering the consequences, going to church seems a whole lot better choice. As long as you live under their roof, and are responsible for taking care of you, you need to do what they ask.
How Can I Back Off from A Friendship That’s Not Good for Me?
Backing off from a friendship is never easy—even if the friend has been a negative influence on you.
If you back off a friendship with someone, you will want to explain why. Here’s what you might want to say, “You know, Delilah, I’ve renewed my commitment to Jesus Christ and I don’t want to disappoint Him any more by doing the things I’ve been doing lately. If you want to do those things without me, that’s up to you, but I don’t want to join you anymore. If you would like to get closer to the Lord with me that would be great! What do you think?”
This is just a suggestion. Put it in your own words. Just keep in mind these pointers:
Identify yourself with Christ.
Display humility, not a holier-than-thou attitude.
Be gentle in your conversation, yet firm in your decision.
Invite your friend to join you in getting closer to Christ. If he or she does not, they left you, not you them.
Remember, it will be tough to back off, especially right afterward because of the pain of your new loneliness. But continuing the friendship would be tougher, especially in the long run, because of the friend’s negative influence.
If My Friends and I Have a Disagreement, What’s The Right Way to Handle it?
When you have a disagreement, you have a choice. You can either resolve the conflict or dissolve the relationship. Here are some guidelines for resolving the conflict and keeping the fight fair:
Desire openness. In a fair fight, the attitude of “I’m always right” is against the rules.
Choose the right timing. Arguments can break out at awkward times. To fight by the rules, wait until both of you can give the time and attention necessary to talk things out.
Select the right words. Think before you speak. To know the right words to say, you’ll first have to listen to your friend when she speaks. Determine if your words will help or hinder in working out the problem.
Guard your tone of voice. You can say the right words the wrong way. If you project sarcasm or criticism in your voice, your friend will pick it up.
Look at the other person’s point of view. While your friend talks, listen carefully to understand where they are coming from. In viewing the conflict, put yourself in their place. When you do this, think of how they feel instead of how you feel or why you think they were wrong.
Identify the problem. Discover the main issue that started the fight. It may be more than meets the eye. For example, they may have become upset because you said the wrong thing when actually they were already upset because the night before you spent time with another friend.
Determine the solution. Once you identify the problem, decide on a solution. Make the solution practical and realistic. Don’t give up until you have worked things out satisfactorily. Talk about how to keep this conflict from happening again.
My Girlfriend Wants to Make Sure We Are Sexually Compatible Before We Get Married. Is That Legitimate?
You don’t buy a brand-new pair of shoes without first trying them on, do you? Of course not! So, then it makes sense to make sure you are sexually compatible before you are married, right? Wrong!
In the first place, neither one of you is a pair of shoes. You are not taking something home to try on or use. If you want to compare your wedding night to something, a better analogy would be giving a box of Kleenex to somebody. No matter how pretty the color, how much would they appreciate it if they discovered the Kleenex had been used?
God has designed your wedding night to be like the explosion of dynamite. If you don’t wait, it can be reduced to nothing more than the pop of a little firecracker.
Rarely will you find two people who aren’t sexually compatible. So, tell your girlfriend you are waiting for the fireworks.
Why Do My Parents Think I’m Weird?
Why do my parents sometimes look at me like I just arrived from outer space?
In a word, because you have changed. Consider your appetite. Where you once ate three meals a day (excluding vegetables, of course), you now have the appetite of a giant termite consuming a week’s worth of groceries in a matter of minutes without any help from your friends. Speaking of which, you parents don’t routinely interact with a person dressed in black leather with orange hair and a three-carat diamond in his pierced nose.
If those two developments alone aren’t enough to amaze them, what about your growth? They may be somewhat fearful that if you keep growing at the same rate you have, your body might soon be as big as your mouth (from their perspective, of course). Your intelligence has also grown. You now know everything about everything.
Where you once were polite and well-mannered, you now burp in public and respond to all questions with a terse, “Leave me alone.” You no longer require any sleep. You go to bed at 4 a.m. and get up at 7.
If you are a guy, you never leave your room. if you are a girl, you never come out of the bathroom.
In a matter of months, they have witnessed a radical transformation take place in their “little boy” or “little girl.” Little wonder they sometimes look at you as if you are sort of strange. Don’t worry, the same thing happened to them. It’s a great time of life that everyone goes through. Parents speak of it with great memories in regard to themselves, but with fear and trembling when it comes to their own children. it’s called the teenage years.
Why Can’t My Parents Understand What It’s Like to Be a Teenager Today?
My Mom and Dad are constantly lecturing me and they always begin with “Well, when I was your age…” Why can’t my parents understand what it’s like to be a teenager today?
Do you want the good news first or the bad news? Let’s get the bad news out of the way first. Check out Luke 2:41-51. It’s the story of Jesus just about the time He became a teenager. He somehow didn’t make connections with His folks and got separated from them. When His parents found Him, the conversation went like this:
“And He said to them, ‘Why is it that you were looking for Me? Did you not know that I had to be in My Father’s house? And they did not understand the statement which He had made to them. And He went down with them, and came to Nazareth, and He continued in subjection to them, and His mother treasured all these things in her heart” (Luke 2:49-51).
Sound familiar? Here is the bad news. If the parents of Jesus didn’t understand Him, don’t be surprised if yours don’t understand you sometimes. Remember, your parents grew up in a different era. your parents were probably born just about the time TV was invented! It is not easy for them to relate to them. Every generation struggles to understand the next generation.
But the good news is, you can respond the same way that Jesus did. As a Christian, you have the power to do that. Philippians 4:13 says: “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”
Why Must My Parents Embarrass Me in Front of My Friends?
It doesn’t take much for a parent to ruin things, does it? Like hanging around pretending they are tidying up when your friends are over, but it’s obvious they are trying to listen in on the conversation. Or trying to be “cool” by talking about the latest music groups and the only group they mention is Lawrence Welk. Or how about when they kiss you in public?
Definitely try to communicate your feelings to them. But be sensitive. Rumor has it there are some things you do that embarrass them. Perhaps you could work out an arrangement that would be mutually beneficial, causing nobody ever to be embarrassed again.
Question:
Hi, I’m Amanda,
I've been struggling with becoming a full-on Christian. I know that God is real. I know that Jesus came down to earth, and then died for our sins, but every time I try to get more involved with God, something distracts me (text message, phone call, music that isn't Christian, etc.) I've been getting involved with the wrong people or the wrong crowd, too. I've been cussing and saying things like "Oh my god!" And I know that that is wrong, but it just comes out. Can you tell me what to do? I am so confused and tired of Satan controlling me when I know that God is the one who should be in control.
Thank you for any help you can get me.
Answer:
Dear Amanda:
Thank you so much for sharing with us. First of all, I want to say that what you are experiencing, unfortunately, is what I would call the normal Christian life. Satan is relentless in his pursuit of true believers, and the battle you are facing is one you will face all of the days of your life. However, before that discourages you, let me say, there is help!
You have already faced the greatest hurdle because you recognize the problem. The truth is, we cannot live the Christian life by ourselves. Without God's help, we would utterly fail. But the battle you face is actually the Lord's battle; with Him, you can be victorious. Here are some things that I have found helpful through the years, and hopefully, you will find helpful as well.
Read the Word of God every single day! There is no such thing as the excuse, "I don't have time!" The truth is, we do not have time to read God's Word. We are in a battle, and we cannot face that battle without our sword: our Bible!
Second, pray every single day. Find at least one time when you can spend 15 minutes with the Lord--all by yourself. If time allows, you will find that time so precious that you will even increase it to 30 minutes or more! In your prayer time, be sure to take some time to just glory in the Lord--think of the amazing God you serve! Take some time, too, to tell the Lord about your frustrations, and ask forgiveness for your sins. Then, ask Him to help you have victory over those same battles! That is key--we cannot do it ourselves, but with Christ we are invincible!
This is not a magic talisman--it is just a reality of life. We, as believers, need to walk in this world equipped to face Satan and his emissaries, for they are certainly active in thwarting us. We live in a world surrounded by a spiritual host we cannot see. The good news is that Satan's angels are not the only ones there; the angels of God are camped all around us, so use them!
We in the 21st century, are generally an apathetic group. It is time that God's people rise up from their sleep and live this Christian life to the honor and glory of God.
Thank you again for writing. Be assured that I am praying for you!
God Bless You
Question:
I’m Chelsey,
Well, I been on and off about this issue. I'm trying to figure out if I should lose my virginity now or wait. Like I know God wants us to wait until we are married but I don't wanna really get married!!! I don't get the point of it! you shouldn't need a piece of paper basically telling you that your gotta be with this person forever I don't like that at all. Plus, you need a ring just to prove? That makes no sense!!! but I don't get why married couples say like "I'm so glad we waited until our wedding night" and that you should wait.... what makes it so much better if you just wait for just one night to lose it?
Answer:
Dear Chelsey,
I have been pondering my reply to you ever since I first read your e-mail. You brought up some very good questions, which deserve some well-thought-out answers. I do not want to be trite or simplistic in my answer. First, I would like to address questions we have about the commands of God in general, and then I would like to deal with the subject of your questions.
In general, there are two questions that I would like to answer.
1. How does the world view the commandments of God?
2. How should Christians view the commandments of God?
The world, in our day, has lost the concept of a standard of right and wrong—especially a standard that is given to us by God. We live in an “I’m OK; you’re OK” world. What seems right to me is right for me, and what seems right to you is right for you. In other words, we are each the master of our own destiny, and as such can make our own determinations of what is right or wrong. Consequently, morals worldwide have disintegrated drastically. We may think this is just part of the new revelation to man who has finally evolved to this heightened state of being. However, as Solomon said in Ecclesiastes, “There is nothing new under the sun.” Already in the book of Genesis we see man submitting to his lusts, especially in the area of sexual sins, or sexual impurity. So, it is no surprise that the world largely ignores the Laws of God as prudish. Even if there is a God, which most question, He has no right to interfere with our happiness.
Unfortunately, this attitude has spread to the Church at large. However, no matter how you or I, or anyone else may feel about it, God has given us very specific commandments, especially in the area of morality. This law is summarized in the Ten Commandments in Exodus 20, and laid out more specifically in the book of Deuteronomy. As Christians we understand that the sexual relationship is a gift given by God to married couples.
In considering this, let’s think a moment about Eve, in the Garden of Eden. How did Satan approach Eve? He asked Eve a question, “Has God indeed said, ‘You shall not eat of every tree of the garden?”
Eve answered by embellishing God’s commandment. “We may eat the fruit of the trees of the garden; but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God has said, ‘You shall not eat it, nor shall you touch it, lest you die.’”
Then the serpent said, “You will not surely die. For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”
What just happened in that conversation? First, the serpent contradicted God, and then rationalized God’s reasoning by saying, God knows that you will become one of us, because you will know good and evil. Was the serpent, right? No!
Satan, who comes to us in the same way, began with a lie, and then rationalized the commandment of God. What happened to Eve? Did she die? Yes! Did she actually become like God? No! For the remainder of her days on this earth, she must have regretted the choice she made. She and Adam, who once knew the joy and peace of communion with God, were thrust out of the Garden. Life was never the same again.
Why has God given the commandments He has, regarding sexuality? God has ordained the family unit, with the father as the head, the mother at his side in submission to him, and the children in subjection to them both. As such, they are a picture of Christ and His bride, the Church.
Our Creator God knows us better than we could ever know ourselves. Because of our sin nature, we chaff at His commandments. Because we love, God, however, and desire to please Him, we seek to live in obedience to those commandments.
Just as Adam and Eve enjoyed a time of peace and communion with God, we, as God’s children, have the same opportunity to fellowship with Him, though not in perfection like Adam and Eve. When we live in obedience to God, we enjoy times of wonderful peace and joy, such as the world does not know, nor can offer. That peace and joy, however, is destroyed when we disobey God. Until we come back to God in repentance, seeking His forgiveness, that sweet fellowship and communion is gone.
The real issue here, then, is not whether you will lose your virginity. The real issue is whether you will obey the Lord. The Bible is not silent on the subject; God’s Laws are clearly given.
I caution you to think very carefully about what it means to be a Christian. As long as we believe in God, are we a Christian? No! The Bible tells us that the devils believe also, and tremble.
What, then, makes one a true believer? A true believer is one who first recognizes his or her true state before a holy and righteous God: a sinner, separated forever from God, because God cannot even look upon sin. Secondly, they understand that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, as well as being the God-man, because He never sinned, is the only One who can pay the debt of our sin. The true believer comes before Christ in repentance, accepting the Lord Jesus as their personal Savior. When that happens, not only is the person saved, but the Holy Spirit enters the heart of the new believer, changing them forever. Now, instead of living life for their own pleasure, they, because of their love for Christ, seek to live their life in obedience to Him.
There are some who teach that a person can be a Christian even if they do not choose to obey God. They call such a person a carnal Christian, however the Bible does not teach such a thing. When one accepts Christ, he accepts Him as both his Lord and His Savior. The consequent joy and peace are unknown by the world.
I know this was a rather long answer, but I hope it helps you to understand what the Bible teaches on this subject. I pray that you will choose to be obedient to Christ. The joy that awaits us in heaven, not to speak of the joy and peace we have while still on this earth far outweigh any preconceived benefit, we think we might receive by living as those of this world.
God Bless You,
Question:
Hi, I am a newly active Christian, and I have a boyfriend I decided to break up with him because I know that it is not good because I am too young to have a relationship with him... and I think God wants me to prioritize first my study and my family, my problem is my ex-boyfriend want to wait for me. and still be with him after my college. is it okey to give him my promise even if I don’t know if he is the one that God wants to be with me...????????
Answer:
You show a great deal of maturity in your comments and are exactly right in your priorities. Unfortunately, we begin dating at such a young age in our culture, before we really are ready to seriously think of who we will marry, that we fall into many difficult situations. In trying to determine a resolution regarding your ex-boyfriend, I would challenge you to consider the implications of such an extended promise. We do not really know the future and should be very careful about making promises that we might later regret. Spend a lot of time praying about your relationship. Remaining friends is a good idea, but I would hesitate to seal that relationship with a promise that binds you. Above all, pray for strength and wisdom from God; your relationship with Him is the most important; you cannot love God too much! He will show you His will as He opens and closes doors. Consider these words from Psalm 100, verses 2 through 4,
Serve the LORD with gladness: come before his presence with singing. Know ye that the LORD he is God: it is he that hath made us, and not we ourselves; we are his people and the sheep of his pasture. Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name.
Thanks for writing,
God Bless You
Question:
Hello, I am 17 and about to turn 1 actually. As a senior in high school things are already tough being a Jesus Follower. I live in a very small town where everyone knows everyone and everything about them. I am very Pro-life as should all Jesus followers should be, kids at school really hate that. I am picked on all the time not only for my beliefs but also because they say I am different. How could I take a stand against the bullying or should I take a stand? The Bible after all does say that if your enemy asks you for your coat, you should give them your shirt. If they hit you on one side of the face to turn and offer them the other. I am not sure what to do in this situation.
Answer:
You are facing one of the most difficult situations we are called to face as Christians, which is made even more difficult by your age. As a teen, it is extremely difficult to face the ridicule of one's peers. Rather than express my own thoughts, let's look at the words of Jesus, from the passage from which you quoted from Matthew 5:
38. Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.
39 But I say unto you, that you resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.
40 And if any man will sue you at the law, and take away your coat, let him have your cloak also . . ..
43 Ye have heard that it hath been said, you should love thy neighbor, and hate your enemy.
44 But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you
45. That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven. (King James Version)
Is this easy to do? Absolutely not! Go to Christ and plead with Him for help to face the ridicule of your peers, remembering that it is not you they hate, but rather, it is the Lord Jesus Christ they hate. Also, keep praying that God would save your peers.
I have noticed that it is often those who are closest to coming to Christ who will despise us the most. I know that may be hard to believe, but it is something I have seen on more than one occasion.
Last of all, take some time to praise God that you have been allowed to suffer for Him. I believe that what you are experiencing is going to be on the increase for all Christians, as we come closer and closer to the end of time.
David, I am going to be praying for you, and I am asking that others who read these words pray for you as well. You have a valiant testimony before the Lord, and it is obvious that He is equipping you now to faithfully serve Him all the days of your life.
May God bless you and give you peace and joy even in the middle of this difficult time.
God Bless You,
Question:
Hi, I’m Mary ...I've just been confused about this one thing in particular. Me and this boy like each other a lot...we're both real Christians who try to live our lives after Him. We both agree on the important things in life. And everything seems like it could be perfect...although, it seems as if God is saying "not yet, not right now"...neither of us is sure though, it could be a flat-out no or yes...but it seems like wait. So, my question is, why would God let us both like each other, yet possibly say no? That doesn't make any sense to me. I guess I'm trying to justify why His answer is just wait. Wouldn't it seem kind of pointless for it to be, no? In my eyes, it's like dangling a treat in front of a dog, but then not giving it to him.
Answer:
Dear Mary,
You are delving into one of the greatest difficulties in the Christian life. No one likes to be told to wait. I, of all people, am probably one of the most impetuous persons alive, and have had to deal with this all of my life.
The fact that God lets you like each other is a great blessing. As both of you are Christians, I would suggest you spend some time together studying God's Word. Read about couples, and what God says regarding marriage.
The Bible does not hold a very popular stance in our day of "If you love him, it's OK." Perhaps God is preparing the two of you for some great things, and this is just the first step--the first test of your faithfulness to God even above your love and faithfulness to each other.
I do know that God's Word is true and changeless, and is the only path that leads to a life of peace and joy, so I encourage you to tread carefully, and cry out to the Lord for grace to be faithful to Him, above all.
Here is a Bible passage that I often cling to in times of great difficulty and temptation,
33 O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out!
34 For who hath known the mind of the Lord? or who hath been his counsellor?
35 Or who hath first given to him, and it shall be recompensed unto him again?
36 For of him, and through him, and to him, are all things: to whom be glory forever. Amen. Romans 11:33-36, King James Version
Question:
Hi, I’m Kelsey,
I'm having trouble caring about anything anymore...I almost like getting in trouble...I’m only 13...in foster care (:it sucks:)I feel like no one cares 'bout me...I DONT knew wat 2 do!
Answer:
I was really saddened to get your comments. I must admit that I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through, and therefore do not want to give you simple platitudes.
What I do know is that whether no one else in the whole world cares about you, Jesus does. It certainly does not seem like it though, does it? I am sure you think a loving God would not put you through a life like you have. God, however, is preparing you for the future. In what way, you may ask? I do not know, but I know it is true.
You did not say whether you are a Christian or not. I would encourage you to go to Christ. The Bible tells us in Isaiah 55:
6 Seek ye the LORD while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near:
7 Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the LORD, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
This plea, is not just for you, and certainly was not just for Isaiah. This plea is for all of us, and the resulting promise is, too. Only in Christ will you care to forsake the things of the world and turn from evil. When you do, by His grace, He will abundantly pardon you, and change your life forever!
Ask your foster parents to allow you to go to church; find a nearby church that teaches the truths of the Bible. There, God will not only teach you His Word, but give you some lasting, true, friends.
I would encourage you, and all teens, to realize that these years, though they seem long, will soon be over. Then, as an adult, the rest is up to you!
I have been, and will continue, to pray for you, that God will touch your life and your very soul in such a way that you will turn to Him.
Question:
Hi. This may sound dumb, but I have been raised in church most of my life. Only recently have I really begun to dig in. I am really confused about relationships. I met this guy (he is 19 and he is 2 years older than me). When he turned 18, he met this girl and they dated, got married (less than 2 months), and divorced. The whole thing lasted less than 6 months. I am really confused about what to do. I really like him and I'm having a hard time praying about it and listening for God's answer.
Any advice?
Answer:
I don't know about you, but red flags fall all over the place when I read this submission. No question is dumb, and I am really glad this person sent this in, because it is so relevant to every teen today.
In college, I had a professor who challenged us by saying, "Do not date anyone you would not want to marry. Every date is a potential spouse." We thought he was crazy--what about just dating for fun? Through the years I have learned the soundness of his advice. How quickly we can become entangled in a relationship that we cannot seem to get out of.
I am so happy this person is praying about the situation and seeking God's advice. My advice would be to go very slowly with this. This guy may be a wonderful Christian, but having married and divorced in less than a year leaves me with questions. We are filled with a world that has gone crazy over love. Now, I am not knocking love; I love my husband dearly, but the key word here is commitment. Are you going to marry until the love seems to have disappeared? Or, are you committed enough to stick it out.
Every marriage will go through troubling times, but in the end, that is what causes your love to blossom and grow.
5 Walk in wisdom toward those who are outside, redeeming the time.
6 Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one. (Colossians 4:5-6, New King James Version)
Question:
Hello Linda! I am a Christian teen who has been on a plan to grow in my faith this year. I love your articles and they really give me some questions to get me thinking. As I enter High School, I find peer pressure becoming more of a problem, especially when it is from someone you really care about. I was wondering if you could give me some advice on how to avoid these pressures and stay true to myself without losing the ones you love.
Answer:
In a way, you almost answered your own question. The most important thing you said was, "Stay true to myself," and may I expand that to, "Stay true to Christ." The peer pressures you face in high school will be the same ones you face all of your life. Remember, that if you stay true to Christ, you will have enemies, and unfortunately, they may be the very people who had been your best friends. Christ said, "It is not you that they hate; it is me." (Roughly paraphrased). As a Christian, you have one purpose to fulfill in this life, and that is to walk faithfully with God. He will lead you in the way you should go, and He will replace lost friends with those who share your faith.
God Bless You,
If I doubt my salvation, does that mean I'm not saved?
Let me start by sharing my all-time favorite verse, which is crucial in answering this question. Romans 8:38-39 says, For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
None of us will ever reach God's standard (Romans 3:23), but He has promised us that anyone who believes in Jesus Christ will be saved (John 3:16). The Creator of the universe died in our place, took the punishment we deserved, then came back to life. Once you have placed your faith in Christ by confessing that you are full of and in need of Him as your Savior, there is nothing that can separate you from him. Nothing. The apostle Paul went to great lengths to close any "loopholes" that people may think up when it comes to our salvation.
Look at your doubts. Where do they stem from? Do you doubt that God really would care for you enough to save you? To die for you? Bury those doubts because the answer is undeniable, "YES, He does." No matter how good or bad you feel you are, the answer is the same: "YES, He does." Just read Romans 5:8, But God demonstrated His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
On the flipside, if your doubts are not in God's ability, but your personal belief, take a moment to evaluate yourself. Examine if you have truly believed God's promise. Second Corinthians 13:5 tells us that we are to "examine ourselves" to be sure that Christ is our Savior and that the Holy Spirit is in us. Your faith will be evident through works (James 2:14-26) and the fruit of the Holy Spirit.
It all comes down to this question: Do you believe and trust Jesus Christ?
Push everything else aside and honestly answer that question to yourself. If the answer is yes, then rejoice, there is nothing that can take you from Him! Your salvation is sealed with an impenetrable seal. Even when you fall down spiritually and are feeling low, your salvation is in God’s hands. Being saved does not depend on your mood or anything else you do (Ephesians 2:8).
If, when you ask yourself that question, you honestly have to answer no, then there is nothing preventing you from stopping everything you are doing right now and believing in the Lord Jesus Christ. In that moment, you will be saved!
That if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe with your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation.
Romans 10:9-10
Isn’t A Healthy Self-Image the Same as Pride?
It can be. Keep in mind, however, there are two types of self-images. When you see yourself as God sees you, you have a healthy self-image. A healthy self-image is very positive. Yet it is very humble because it recognizes its source—the Lord Jesus Christ.
The second type of self-image is an unhealthy self-image. People who have an unhealthy self-image can be divided into two groups: negative and positive. Those with a negative self-image think poorly about themselves. Those with a positive self-image think good of themselves. But their self-worth is based on the world’s system: looks, abilities, intelligence, and the like. When people think well about themselves based on the world’s system, they may very well struggle with pride.
Why Does God Love Me So Much?
Great question! We often wonder about that after we’ve really blown it. Like coming home after a rotten day at school, slamming the door, screaming at your parents, smashing your little brother’s face into his ice cream bowl and then yelling after stumping your big toe. Then you remember that Jesus has been with you the whole time and you wonder, Lord, why do You love me so much?
He loves you because He created you. Have you ever watched a mother and father ooh and ahh over their newborn baby? Newborn babies can be just about the ugliest creatures on earth. But not to the parents. They think their baby is the greatest. Why? Because they created the little critter. God loves you because He created you. He thinks you are the greatest.
But more than that, He loves you not because you are lovable, but because He is a God of love. It is His character to love. And there is nothing you can do to make Him stop loving you.
Why Am I Always Comparing Myself to Everybody Else?
You compare yourself because you want to know how well you measure up. If you are doing well, you can feel good about yourself. If you aren't as pretty, smart, rich, or gifted as the other person, then you can't feel good about yourself.
The trouble with comparison comes from comparing yourself to the wrong measure—other people. Because every person is different, you will always find someone you think is better or worse than you are. This will leave you filled with frustration or pride.
God doesn't want you to compare yourself based on an outward measure, but on an inward measure. Instead of asking, "Am I as good as so-and-so?" ask, "Do I have the character of Christ that God wants me to have?" That will keep your focus where it needs to be.
My Parents Never Believe Me. Any Suggestions?
To get your parents to believe you, you must first ask why they don’t trust you. Generally, it is because they have discovered that you have lied about something in the past. Lying has terrible consequences. If someone has lied to you, how do you know when they’re lying or telling the truth?
To get your parents to believe you, ask them to forgive you for any and every time you have lied to them in the past. And don’t stop with just asking forgiveness for the lies you’ve said with your mouth. Also, ask forgiveness for the lies you’ve said with your actions—like having a bunch of friends over at the house when it was forbidden.
Second, learn to admit when you blow it. Nobody believes you always live a perfect life. So, when they hear you volunteer the fact that you blew it, but now you are sorry for what you did, they will believe you much more quickly than if you never admit your shortcomings and failures.
Is It Right That I’m Forced to Go to Church Each Week?
Look at it this way. If you do go to church, it’s not going to hurt you. It might even help you. But if you don’t go to church, your parents will probably kill you. Considering the consequences, going to church seems a whole lot better choice. As long as you live under their roof, and are responsible for taking care of you, you need to do what they ask.
How Can I Back Off from A Friendship That’s Not Good for Me?
Backing off from a friendship is never easy—even if the friend has been a negative influence on you.
If you back off a friendship with someone, you will want to explain why. Here’s what you might want to say, “You know, Delilah, I’ve renewed my commitment to Jesus Christ and I don’t want to disappoint Him any more by doing the things I’ve been doing lately. If you want to do those things without me, that’s up to you, but I don’t want to join you anymore. If you would like to get closer to the Lord with me that would be great! What do you think?”
This is just a suggestion. Put it in your own words. Just keep in mind these pointers:
Identify yourself with Christ.
Display humility, not a holier-than-thou attitude.
Be gentle in your conversation, yet firm in your decision.
Invite your friend to join you in getting closer to Christ. If he or she does not, they left you, not you them.
Remember, it will be tough to back off, especially right afterward because of the pain of your new loneliness. But continuing the friendship would be tougher, especially in the long run, because of the friend’s negative influence.
If My Friends and I Have a Disagreement, What’s The Right Way to Handle it?
When you have a disagreement, you have a choice. You can either resolve the conflict or dissolve the relationship. Here are some guidelines for resolving the conflict and keeping the fight fair:
Desire openness. In a fair fight, the attitude of “I’m always right” is against the rules.
Choose the right timing. Arguments can break out at awkward times. To fight by the rules, wait until both of you can give the time and attention necessary to talk things out.
Select the right words. Think before you speak. To know the right words to say, you’ll first have to listen to your friend when she speaks. Determine if your words will help or hinder in working out the problem.
Guard your tone of voice. You can say the right words the wrong way. If you project sarcasm or criticism in your voice, your friend will pick it up.
Look at the other person’s point of view. While your friend talks, listen carefully to understand where they are coming from. In viewing the conflict, put yourself in their place. When you do this, think of how they feel instead of how you feel or why you think they were wrong.
Identify the problem. Discover the main issue that started the fight. It may be more than meets the eye. For example, they may have become upset because you said the wrong thing when actually they were already upset because the night before you spent time with another friend.
Determine the solution. Once you identify the problem, decide on a solution. Make the solution practical and realistic. Don’t give up until you have worked things out satisfactorily. Talk about how to keep this conflict from happening again.
My Girlfriend Wants to Make Sure We Are Sexually Compatible Before We Get Married. Is That Legitimate?
You don’t buy a brand-new pair of shoes without first trying them on, do you? Of course not! So, then it makes sense to make sure you are sexually compatible before you are married, right? Wrong!
In the first place, neither one of you is a pair of shoes. You are not taking something home to try on or use. If you want to compare your wedding night to something, a better analogy would be giving a box of Kleenex to somebody. No matter how pretty the color, how much would they appreciate it if they discovered the Kleenex had been used?
God has designed your wedding night to be like the explosion of dynamite. If you don’t wait, it can be reduced to nothing more than the pop of a little firecracker.
Rarely will you find two people who aren’t sexually compatible. So, tell your girlfriend you are waiting for the fireworks.
Why Do My Parents Think I’m Weird?
Why do my parents sometimes look at me like I just arrived from outer space?
In a word, because you have changed. Consider your appetite. Where you once ate three meals a day (excluding vegetables, of course), you now have the appetite of a giant termite consuming a week’s worth of groceries in a matter of minutes without any help from your friends. Speaking of which, you parents don’t routinely interact with a person dressed in black leather with orange hair and a three-carat diamond in his pierced nose.
If those two developments alone aren’t enough to amaze them, what about your growth? They may be somewhat fearful that if you keep growing at the same rate you have, your body might soon be as big as your mouth (from their perspective, of course). Your intelligence has also grown. You now know everything about everything.
Where you once were polite and well-mannered, you now burp in public and respond to all questions with a terse, “Leave me alone.” You no longer require any sleep. You go to bed at 4 a.m. and get up at 7.
If you are a guy, you never leave your room. if you are a girl, you never come out of the bathroom.
In a matter of months, they have witnessed a radical transformation take place in their “little boy” or “little girl.” Little wonder they sometimes look at you as if you are sort of strange. Don’t worry, the same thing happened to them. It’s a great time of life that everyone goes through. Parents speak of it with great memories in regard to themselves, but with fear and trembling when it comes to their own children. it’s called the teenage years.
Why Can’t My Parents Understand What It’s Like to Be a Teenager Today?
My Mom and Dad are constantly lecturing me and they always begin with “Well, when I was your age…” Why can’t my parents understand what it’s like to be a teenager today?
Do you want the good news first or the bad news? Let’s get the bad news out of the way first. Check out Luke 2:41-51. It’s the story of Jesus just about the time He became a teenager. He somehow didn’t make connections with His folks and got separated from them. When His parents found Him, the conversation went like this:
“And He said to them, ‘Why is it that you were looking for Me? Did you not know that I had to be in My Father’s house? And they did not understand the statement which He had made to them. And He went down with them, and came to Nazareth, and He continued in subjection to them, and His mother treasured all these things in her heart” (Luke 2:49-51).
Sound familiar? Here is the bad news. If the parents of Jesus didn’t understand Him, don’t be surprised if yours don’t understand you sometimes. Remember, your parents grew up in a different era. your parents were probably born just about the time TV was invented! It is not easy for them to relate to them. Every generation struggles to understand the next generation.
But the good news is, you can respond the same way that Jesus did. As a Christian, you have the power to do that. Philippians 4:13 says: “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”
Why Must My Parents Embarrass Me in Front of My Friends?
It doesn’t take much for a parent to ruin things, does it? Like hanging around pretending they are tidying up when your friends are over, but it’s obvious they are trying to listen in on the conversation. Or trying to be “cool” by talking about the latest music groups and the only group they mention is Lawrence Welk. Or how about when they kiss you in public?
Definitely try to communicate your feelings to them. But be sensitive. Rumor has it there are some things you do that embarrass them. Perhaps you could work out an arrangement that would be mutually beneficial, causing nobody ever to be embarrassed again.